


To Find Yourself Lost and Decaying

by liquidengineers



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Dark, Dubcon Kissing, Fluff, Internalized Homophobia, Love Confessions, M/M, Mystery, No Sex, Non-Consensual Touching, Sex Pollen, Sexual Tension, look although it's a sex pollen fic theres no actual sex, some ooc jamie (but for a good reason), the tags are scary but please don't be scared its actually sweet at times, they come close to having sex dont get me wrong but im bad at smut so here we are
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-15
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:28:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22265608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liquidengineers/pseuds/liquidengineers
Summary: The man swallowed, visibly collecting himself. “We weren’t sure our distress signal made it out before the radios kicked the bucket. Are you unharmed? How many more are coming?”“More coming?” It suddenly dawned on The Doctor in a sickening revelation. “You think we’re a rescue party!”Scarcely schooled terror betrayed itself in the man’s features. “You’re not?”•An accidental stop on a seemingly abandoned mining planet leaves the Doctor and his companions stranded in a base on perpetual lockdown, as a strange alien disease threatens to turn them all into violent, sex-crazed zombies.An episodic-style work in (at least) seven parts.
Relationships: Second Doctor & Jamie McCrimmon, Second Doctor/Jamie McCrimmon
Comments: 28
Kudos: 31





	1. Episode 1

**Author's Note:**

> As I mentioned in the tags, although this work has technically got a sex pollen-esque agent, I'm both uncomfortable with and rubbish at writing smut so nothing explicitly sexual happens. It's also got some fairly dark themes because I don't know when to stop. Happy reading!

**Ep1**

The Doctor was a firm believer that he wasn’t  _ bad  _ at flying the TARDIS so much as a little over enthusiastic with the controls. He certainly wouldn’t deny that he’d whisked many an unsuspecting companion off to god knows where, perhaps more than once overshooting their intended destination (really only by just a tad). He also he wouldn’t deny that these mishaps — few and far between. Okay, maybe not so far between, or few for that matter — most often led to sticky situations. That didn’t mean he was bad at flying, no, not at all. Even if the TARDIS was currently insisting they’d just materialised on Epsilon Nox, a planet some lightyears away from where they’d been aiming for. 

“So, where have y’ landed us now, Doctor? In the middle of a battlefield, maybe? Or perhaps next to a tribe of man-eating beasties?” Jamie’s voice held the clipped tones of annoyance and an unhealthy dose of sarcasm. 

“Come now, Jamie, don’t be so dramatic.” The Doctor pretended not to see the sour look cast his way. “Epsilon Nox, a perfectly harmless planet primarily used by archeological expeditions. It’s got some of the most famous intergalactic dig sites known to space. They’ve found more than a few significant artefacts here.”

At least Zoe looked interested with their accidental location. “Why, when I was only a year younger, Epsilon Nox hadn’t been explored by anything other than probes.”

“Oh, you’ll find it’s positively thriving. They’ve even built permanent bases here and there to replace what they used to call ‘tent villages’. Come now, Jamie, Zoe.” The Doctor started toward the door. 

They had landed on an elevated outcrop protruding over what was obviously a dig site. A vast expanse of golden-brown dust and quarries chipped deep into the sun-baked earth stretched below them. The thick beige canvas of various tents, placed sporadically around the site, flapped and strained in the short bursts of tiny spiralling whirlwinds that skipped over the ground, scooping dust into their arms in some lively dance. 

Not a whisper of life breathed through the entire place. 

Jamie wrinkled his nose. “What was that y’ said about ‘positively thriving’?”

“Oh, Doctor, do you suppose something happened to them?” Zoe mentioned worriedly from his other side.

The Doctor clasped his hands, unease growing faint in the back of his mind. “Now, Zoe, lets not jump to conclusions. This site might not be in use at the moment, or the archeologists are having a break.” 

Jamie shot him a pointed look. “Well are we going down or not?” 

The golden dust of Epsilon Nox has the strange ability to stick just about anywhere it touches and the Doctor found he was no exception. The wind had shaped it into deep drifts around just about every protruding surface in the camp — rocks, tents, the wide burrows into the ground where archeologists had been chipping away for years — and by the time the trio had found their way into the nearest tent, they were all coated in a good layer of golden-brown grime. 

The tent was evidently being used as an on-site office-cum-storage area. A cheap looking plastic folding table stood at a jaunty angle in the centre of the tent, covered in a haphazard spray of dust-coated papers. More papers littered the floor, some half buried and others with heavy footprints framing them. The canvas walls strained at the tent poles as another wild gust of wind danced through the site. Zoe hauled an upturned chair to its feet. 

“It looks like someone had a fight in here,” she commented curiously. 

The Doctor shuffled through the papers scattered on the desk. “Daily reports, artifact lists… nothing terribly unusual for a dig site.” 

“Is it ‘terribly unusual’ for the people here to walk ‘round scuddy, Doctor?” Jamie called from the back corner of the tent. 

“How do you mean, Jamie?” The Doctor replied over his shoulder, still scanning the papers.

“Well, some wee lass has left her clothes o’er here and unless she had something else to change into I’m going t’ bet she dinnae got anything on.” He kicked half-heartedly at the discarded fabric that lay beside him in the dirt. 

“There’s some over here, too, Doctor,” Zoe exclaimed, lifting a dusty shirt from the ground with thumb and forefinger. “Looks like a man’s to me.”

The Doctor straightened the papers he’d just finished examining and looked up. “It’s probably nothing, don’t worry yourselves over it. Let’s head to the nearest base, there’ll be people there.”

Jamie looked sceptical. “Are y’ sure?”

“I’m positively certain, Jamie.” He gestured vaguely to Zoe, who dropped the shirt back into the dust and attempted to wipe her fingers clean on her equally grimy pants. The Doctor lifted the tent flap to let them through. “There’s always at least one expedition per base, from what I’ve heard. In winter there’s more, but Epsilon Nox is infamous for its harsh summers which drive everyone but the most dedicated archeologists away.”

Jamie scuffed his shoe in the dirt. “Why anyone would be dedicated t’ sitting in the dust all day beats me,” he grumbled. The Doctor gave him a Look and nodded toward a small square on the horizon. 

“That’s where we’re heading.” 

“All the way o’er  _ there _ ?!” Jamie exclaimed. 

Zoe smiled and took his hand, pulling him after the Doctor. “It’s really not that far, if we can see it,” she hummed cheerfully. “We’ll be there soon.”




It was after an hour of Jamie complaining about everything from the dust to his apparently ill-fitting boots that they reached the wall of the base. The squat building looked out of place in the monotonous flat plains of Epsilon Nox. It was a hideous red-orange colour — perhaps painted in an attempt to blend it into the landscape, but really only succeeding in making it stand out more. The sorry remains of an abandoned endeavour to culture a garden festered just outside the door. 

“The door appears to be locked,” the Doctor announced to his companions, earning a heartfelt groan from Jamie. He clasped his hands, trying to ignore the ever-growing sense of unease that hung within his chest. “There’ll be another door, somewhere. Jamie, you go around that way. Zoe and I will go this way. Yell if you find a door.”

The paprika coloured walls loomed above them as they wandered beside the base. The niggling feeling that something was seriously wrong tugged at the Doctor’s mind. It was clear Zoe felt the same disquiet— the slight frown on her face betrayed her apprehension. The wind sent dust gyrating around their feet in frantic spirals. Aside from their own dull footsteps, the rustle of dry leaves from dying foliage planted here and there was the only sound. A couple of times the Doctor swore he heard sounds in the distance but they were too faint for him to be sure and too primal to be human, besides. 

“There’s something off about this place, Doctor.” Zoe put his thoughts into words. “You said it was thriving last time you were here. Where’s all the people?”

“I’m not quite sure,” he admitted, suddenly regretting sending Jamie off alone. He spun around in a fruitless attempt to locate the boy, but they’d already turned a corner and he was nowhere to be seen. “Oh, I do hope Jamie is okay.”

Zoe touched his arm briefly. “He’ll be alright. He can look after himself.” She pointed along the wall. “Is that another door, do you reckon?”

The garden beside this door was in a similar state of decay as the last. The Doctor wrinkled his nose at the sickly floral smell of rotting vegetation. There was a rather violent stain on the wall and door that he hoped sincerely was vomit rather than blood. Then again, vomit wasn’t much nicer.

“Locked,” Zoe sighed dejectedly. The Doctor shivered, despite the relentless heat. 

Another quick burst of wind had them shading their eyes against the dust. The sun had begun to sink and the clouds were already dyed with the beginnings of a brilliant red-gold sunset. The Doctor glanced back at the stain on the wall. “Let’s go back and find Jamie,” he decided. “We may have to force a door open.”

They’d barely gone four steps in the direction they’d come from when Zoe stopped dead in her tracks and reached for the Doctor’s arm. “Can you hear that?” she whispered, an edge of worry in her voice.

The Doctor strained his ears against the sound of the wind. A faint but unmistakable deep keening noise was coming from somewhere in front of them, reminiscent of an animal in distress. As they rounded the corner they saw the source of the sound — in front of a large bush some ten or so metres from the base crouched a grotty woman, stark naked and swaying back and forth with a hand between her thighs. As the two watched in astonishment, the Doctor realised with a sickening jolt that she was  _ pleasuring  _ herself. 

Before he had a chance to shield Zoe’s eyes, the woman rocketed to her feet, twitching erratically, her eyes fixed on something further along the wall. The Doctor was hardly able to follow her gaze, to see Jamie rounding the adjacent corner, before she put her head down and sprinted with shocking speed toward the Scot. Zoe gasped, her hand tightening on his arm. The Doctor felt himself freeze up, too dumbfounded at the impossible speed of the woman to register what was going on. 

Jamie cried out as the woman tackled him — he fell backwards, his head cracking against the wall violently, the woman hitting the ground next to him. The Doctor’s stupor snapped and he ripped his arm away from Zoe, bolting toward Jamie as fast as he could. The woman crawled forward so she was sitting astride Jamie ( _ why isn’t he struggling? _ The Doctor thought in anguish,  _ is he unconscious? _ ), her hands under his kilt and body pressing against his.

He was too far away, and not  _ fast _ enough. He pushed himself to go faster, ignoring the burning in his lungs. The woman let out a loud, guttural moan that made his gut twist in disgust. He reached them with his breath shallow in his throat, grasping the woman by the arms and tearing her off of his companion. She shrieked as she fell in the dirt, head against her knees and limbs resuming that awful erratic twitching. 

The Doctor hauled Jamie to his feet, pulling him away from the shuddering woman. The boy stumbled blindly, almost tripping, his eyes unfocused and wide with fear. Behind them the woman pushed herself back up slowly. The Doctor pulled Jamie away faster still, terror coursing through him at the unwelcome memory of the woman’s impossibly fast sprint.

Zoe was in front of them, already hammering on the door frantically, her cries ( _ LET US IN, LET US IN _ ) high pitched and frenzied. Jamie stumbled again, his grip on the Doctor’s hand slipping. The woman started up her harsh keening again. He didn’t dare look back at her, tugging Jamie back onto his feet.

His hearts almost gave out in relief when the door swung open suddenly and hands pulled Zoe in. He could hear rapid footsteps behind him and willed himself to go faster. 

He pushed Jamie through the door, just about falling on top of him as he felt fingers ghost his back. The door slammed shut and the anguished howls of the woman ripped through the hot desert air, infuriated and desperate. 

The Doctor flew to Jamie’s side, grasping his arms, his face, carding his hands feverishly through the boy’s hair. Jamie’s face was wet with tears and his eyes wide from shock. His shaking hands clutched wordlessly at the Doctor’s shoulders. Unable to contain his worry, the Doctor pulled Jamie into a tight embrace. The screams of the woman morphed into howled words. “I NEED HIM,” she cried. “LET ME IN, I NEED HIM.”

The Doctor broke the embrace, suddenly aware of their rescuers. Zoe stepped into his place, taking Jamie’s trembling hands in her own and wiping away his tears with her pale thumb, murmuring soft reassurances to him despite her own wide eyes. 

“Are you alright?” asked the frontmost rescuer, a tall man with a mop of unruly blonde hair. His tone was frightened, concerned. The Doctor drew himself up.

“What’s going on here?” It was hard to keep the tremble out of his voice.

The man swallowed, visibly collecting himself. “We weren’t sure our distress signal made it out before the radios kicked the bucket. Are you unharmed? How many more are coming?” 

“More coming?” It suddenly dawned on The Doctor in a sickening revelation. “You think we’re a  _ rescue  _ party!”

Scarcely schooled terror betrayed itself in the man’s features. “You’re not?” 

“We ended up here accidentally,” Zoe cut in, still rubbing Jamie’s hands soothingly. The Scot’s breathing had evened and he was following their conversation silently, his tears drying on his cheeks. The man shot a look at another behind him, forehead creased in an almost palpable worry. The air tightened around them with anxious tension. There was a good few moments of quivering silence as the strangers eyed each other warily.

Eventually the blonde man stuck his hand out. “Joshua Higgs, second in command of the Gilbert expedition.”

The Doctor shook his hand tentatively. “The Doctor. Where’s your leader?”

Higgs cast a grim look at the door, wincing as the woman howled another plea to be let in — the Doctor had just about forgotten about her by this point, and felt his stomach drop even further at her strangled cry. Higgs’ shoulders slumped tiredly.

“You just met her.” 


	2. Episode 2

**Ep2**

“I’m sure you have a lot of questions, Doctor. We’ll do our best to answer them,” Higgs spoke over his shoulder as he lead them into the base. Nervous eyes peered at them from corridors and open rooms, some softening as they laid their gaze upon the still-shaken Jamie. It was taking the Doctor a good deal of mental exertion to retain his social integrity and keep from overstepping his bounds in fussing over the boy. He resolved to shooting worried glances at his two companions every so often, trusting Zoe to soothe Jamie.

“Yes, I think I might have a few,” he muttered distractedly. They entered a large mess hall, almost empty save for a few beings of varied species scattered here and there. Their small party was met by another group, who conversed with Higgs in a rapid, low voices. 

“Excuse me for a moment,” said Higgs, gesturing for the three to take a seat at one of the massive tables. At the Doctor’s nod he hurried after the group out of the room. 

Jamie’s breathing had returned to normal, though drying tears were still visible on his cheeks. He smiled weakly at the Doctor’s concerned expression. “I’m fine, Doctor,” he reassured, “Just a wee bit shaken.”

“How’s your head?” he asks, because he couldn’t bring himself to mention the rest.

Jamie winced. “Hurts a bit.”

“We’ll have to check you for a concussion,” Zoe cut in. 

Higgs entered the far side of the room once again, this time without the group of people around him. He made a beeline for the Doctor and his companions, looking solemn. “My apologies, Doctor, something important came up. Will you all follow me?”

They exited the hall through a different door, and the architecture of the base suddenly shifted to host a more medicinal feel — stark white walls and harsh strip lighting gave him the impression of a hospital. He fell in stride with Higgs, somewhat aware that he’d started rubbing his hands together (a rather annoying nervous habit). 

“Where are we heading?” His voice bounced off the pale walls. 

Higgs lowered his voice so Zoe and Jamie couldn’t hear. “First we must get your friend to the lab and run some tests. You’re absolutely certain she managed to…” he glanced at Zoe with an air of embarrassment, despite having his voice low enough for her not to be able to hear him. “To, ah, mount him, so to speak?”

The Doctor tried to swallow the sick feeling rising in his throat. “Well, I think so. You’ll have to ask him yourself for confirmation. Is it a disease?”

“We’re not entirely sure what it is, some alien virus.” Higgs pushed a hand nervously through his hair. “Sexually transmitted. If he’s got it, it’ll be a week tops before he turns into… into what you saw out there.”

The Doctor couldn’t suppress an ‘oh!’ of surprise. Cold terror had begun to blossom through his chest. “What happened?”

“You’re aware that Epsilon Nox is an archeologist’s heaven?” Higgs asked. The Doctor nodded. “Well, perhaps a month ago we stumbled upon the finding of a lifetime. Actually, it wasn’t our expedition who made the discovery — it was in a Scratuan dig site about a kilometer north of here — but news travelled quickly and soon everyone on the damn planet was flocking to the site.

‘It was a piece of buried alien machinery of epic proportions. Up until that point we had assumed the extinct native race had been only a little more sophisticated than Earth’s ancient Cro Magnons and unvisited by any other species in the universe, so this discovery was one to rewrite history books. Naturally, everyone was beyond excited.

‘The… shift in behaviour occurred only a few days after they’d uncovered the top of the machine. By that point, they were getting ready to winch it out of the ground. It was quite large, and looked to be some sort of mining equipment, which surprised a lot of us. We had a few of our crew — including Professor Rina Warders, our leader — helping out with the extraction over there. When they returned that night, they were, for lack of a better way to phrase it, significantly more sexualised than normal. Perhaps not to the extent of actually seeking, er… sex… out, but certainly very preoccupied with the idea. We call this Stage One.”

Huggs led them into a decent-sized laboratory, curiously devoid of any equipment the Doctor would expect to see in an archeologist’s lab. He gestured for Jamie to sit on one of the stools tucked into a large wall-mounted bench spanning the length of the room. A Scratu woman entered not a minute behind them, once again conversing with Higgs in a low, rapid voice. Higgs turned and smiled reassuringly at Zoe.

“This is Dr. Ilwrah. If you’re absolutely sure you didn’t come into contact with… with the woman out there,” Higgs winced at the mention of his former leader, “she’d be more than happy to show you to the ladies rooms to clean yourself of dust.”

Zoe shot a look at the Doctor, clearly torn between wanting to stay with them and wanting to rid herself of the thick golden dirt. He gave her a gesture of encouragement. 

“Go on, Zoe, get yourself cleaned up. I’ll relay everything back to you later.”

Zoe smiled thinly and went. He could hear her introducing herself to Dr. Ilwrah as they disappeared down the corridor.

“I’m going to take a blood sample,” said Higgs as he approached Jamie with a syringe. Jamie shied away from him, automatically drawing closer to the Doctor. 

“Whoa, hey, what’re you doin’ with that thing, huh?” he exclaimed, trying to exit the stool. The Doctor pushed him back to a sit and shot an apologetic look at Higgs.

“Please excuse him, he’s not used to some things. Roll up your sleeve, Jamie, it’ll be over in no time,” the Doctor reassured, “If kids can do this, you can too.”

Jamie’s eyes widened further as Higgs tightened a strap-like tourniquet to his upper arm, but he didn’t try to escape again. His eyes followed Higg’s hands with silent fear — though he’d probably be too proud to admit it. Likely without realising, he drew closer still to the Doctor, and the Doctor found himself gravitating toward Jamie as well, perhaps in an effort to alleviate some of the boy’s fear. Higgs didn’t seem to notice this subtle exchange and continued with his story as if he’d never left off, a little more relaxed to discuss the matter now that Zoe had departed.

“We thought it was just from the excitement from the discovery, and of being around so many other excited people that morning at the Scratuan site. But their…  _ obsessive _ behaviour didn’t seem to quell; in fact, it only got worse. It wasn’t long before those affected were practically begging others for sexual gratification, Stage Two. Some even reported stabbing pain at being denied sex. Thankfully, our crew are smart, and by that point most had worked out that something wasn’t right, so they denied those affected and took blood samples to try and work out what was causing the elevated libido.

‘Stage Three came so quickly after this. The few crew experiencing symptoms suddenly became mindless and aggressive within twenty four hours of their tests, trying to force themselves upon the unsuspecting, and participating in… public acts with each other. We were forced to lock them outside the base, and initiated a full lockdown after being unable to contact other bases, the alarm system engaged and everything. We have no idea how many have succumbed to the disease, or if any of the other bases are in a similar situation. Our radios began faulting before any of us thought to send a distress call. We don’t know if they were deliberately tampered with or if it was just bad luck.”

Higgs drew the needle from Jamie’s arm and pressed a wad of cotton in its place. “Hold that there for me,” he muttered, patting the boy’s shoulder as one might pat a child rewardingly. Jamie hesitantly did so, his complexion pallid but expression resolved. 

Higgs continued his story as he tinkered with the vials of blood, writing something on them quickly with a marker. “The blood samples revealed some sort of alien virus that we believe might have been the cause of the native species’ extinction, probably having lain dormant until we uncovered the machine. We’ve been working on a cure, but with no one to test it on — as it’s too dangerous to try and bring one of those suffering into the base — can’t do any trials, and with half our physicians affected we’re running on low man-power. We’ve tried to conserve the original blood samples as best as we can, but we’re running low.”

“How many people are in the base?” The Doctor had only seen ten or fifteen. He had a sinking feeling there weren’t many more. 

“No more than thirty,” Higgs sighed. “Most are from our expedition group but there’s a few who were visiting from other sites. They’ve been so strong throughout the whole thing, but their resolves are grinding down day by day. We’re all confused, and scared beyond measure. It… it happened so quickly, a lot of us are still in denial.”

He slid the vials of blood into a small compartment and un-gloved his hands, giving the pair a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I’ll get one of our doctors to check that out as soon as possible. Sorry to send you walking around the base again, but if you’d follow me I can introduce you to some of the people here.”

They were swept off again, back through the white hospital-esque corridors and into the mess hall. The sick feeling in the Doctor’s stomach hadn’t faded; rather, it was building with each new scrap of information he retrieved. 

“Doctor, you’re wringin’ yer hands again,” Jamie pointed out gently. The Doctor shot him a grateful look and forced his hands to his side. He didn’t want to let Jamie know how worried he was about the situation — the boy had already had enough to worry about that day, let alone having to watch the Doctor get worked up. 

Higgs turned a corner. “We’ve been taking all the necessary precautions for if an outbreak happens within the base, of course. You’ll notice that everyone here wears these.” He hitched up his t-shirt to reveal his waistband, and the Doctor noticed for the first time a thick chain acting as a belt. It was secured by a small silver padlock hanging near Higgs’ hipbone. “They’re probably not the most secure, but it’s all there was in the maintenance cupboards. We got the locks off various supply caches in storage. It’s enough to deter anyone if the worst does occur.”

The Doctor felt positively nauseous. He swallowed and tried to maintain a dignified demeanour, but he could see Jamie frowning at him worriedly in his peripherals. 

“Ah, here we are. Doctor, Jamie, meet Dr. Flynn and Prof. k’Lohv, some of the finest doctors the expedition has to offer,” Higgs introduced proudly. “This is the Doctor and his friend Jamie.”

“Rumour precedes you, Doctor, Jamie” Dr Flynn smiled with a thick Australian accent as she shook his hand warmly. “I’ve already met your friend. I’m just headin’ off the way you came to look at those blood samples.” 

“We’ll speak soon, I hope,” the Doctor returned, and turned to the professor as she hurried away. He, like the woman who’d collected Zoe, was Scratu, the square of his features and signature Scratuan gold markings painting a commanding image. The Doctor noted off-handedly that he too had a chain around his waist, and supposed that Dr. Flynn had as well. 

“I’m interested in this virus of yours,” he began, “I’d love to hear more about it.” 

k’Lohv beamed radiantly. “I’d be happy to indulge you,” he laughed in the deep, soft tone typical of Scratu men. 

The Doctor turned to Jamie, already feeling more relaxed in the Scratuan scientist’s cheerful presence. “You can join us if you like, Jamie, although I suspect most of it won’t be too interesting to you.”

Jamie shook his head distractedly, curious eyes wandering around the decidedly futuristic architecture of the base. “I think I’ll be able to amuse myself, Doctor,” he assured. 

“Well,” started the Doctor, turning back to the professor, “how, precisely, is the virus spread?”

“The virus itself has only been observed to be spread in heterosexual, same-species relations, but there’s nothing we’ve found that suggests it’s limited to this, which is why we’re all being decidedly touchy about eliminating all possible ways of…”

— 

The Doctor lost himself in the conversation, eager to learn more about this elusive virus and to chime in with his own speculations. He lost track of the time, until a positively radiant Zoe approached him with Higgs and Jamie at her tail. She beamed at him.

“Oh, you should just  _ see _ the radio equipment they have!” she exclaimed happily. “It’s absolutely marvellous to play around with.”

“Kept yourself busy, then?” The Doctor asked fondly. Zoe hummed a response. He turned his attention to Jamie. “And you, Jamie?”

Jamie didn’t appear to hear him, gazing at his hands distractedly. The Doctor tilted his head. “Jamie?”

The boy blinked away the haze and looked up quickly. “Oh, aye,” he mumbled, “I’ve been fine.” 

Higgs cut in then, placing a hand on Jamie’s shoulder — which Jamie looked slightly miffed about — and once again smiling that smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “I’ll show you to the bathroom, and your rooms, then, Doctor. We don’t have many clean ones, unfortunately, so you and Jamie will have to share. Zoe will be right next door.”

The Doctor frowned. “Rooms?” He chuckled, but the sick feeling was creeping up again. “I— I don’t think you understand, we hardly intend on spending the night. Our vessel is a short walk away, and we can easily contact rescue teams to come out here.” 

Higgs’ expression was grim, his mouth set into a thin line. “You better not leave just yet, Doctor, until your friend’s results have come in.” He nodded at Jamie.

The Doctor couldn’t argue with that. He knew he was wringing his hands again when Jamie shot him an anxious look. This time, he couldn’t compel himself to stop. Higgs’ face grew cordial, though his mouth still hardened when he smiled. 

“Besides, it’s growing dark. With what’s out there, it’s a great risk to go running out into the desert.” He placed a hand on the small of Jamie’s back and began steering him away, compelling the Doctor to follow. “Come, you can clean yourselves and get some rest. Decision making will be easier in the morning, when your mind is cleared a little.”

He showed them to the bathrooms, then to their room a short way down the hall. It was a fairly spacious room, like all those in the base, with two nondescript single beds pushed against opposite walls and not much else. The room didn’t look lived in at all, and the Doctor found some comfort in the fact that it had probably been spare long before the virus claimed its victims. 

Higgs seemed understanding as he left them be. “I’m sorry to trap you here, Doctor, I really am. I know you’d like to get back to your vessel but we’re trying our hardest to keep a quarantine until we know for sure that we can be rescued safely. It wouldn’t do to have the disease reach any other places that might be even less prepared than we were. We’ll know the results of Jamie’s blood by dusk tomorrow, I promise.”

He paused at the door, looking back over his shoulder. “In the meantime, I’m sure the members of the base would be more than happy to answer any questions you have. You’ve proven quite the dream team to have stumbled upon us, between your interest in the virus and the girl’s knowledge of old radios.” He flicked his eyes quickly to Jamie, then back to the Doctor. “Sweet dreams.”

Jamie scowled at the door as Higgs closed it. “I dinnae like him,” he grumbled, nose wrinkled endearingly. 

“He’s not that bad,” the Doctor responded, pacing the room to survey its every detail. 

“He acts like Zoe has no right to hear what you ‘n me are hearin’. He treats me like a child,” the scot interjected. “I wish I were as smart as you or Zoe, then he wouldn’t treat me like that.”

At this, the Doctor stopped his inspecting to frown at the boy. “But Jamie, you  _ are  _ smart. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone who picks up knowledge as fast as you do. And I’ve met a lot of people, I can tell you that!”

Jamie stomped to the door and grumbled something about ‘getting all this dust off’, but the Doctor didn’t fail to notice that small, proud smile he tried to hide as he hurried from the room. 


	3. Episode 3

**Ep3**

Jamie pulled him aside early the next afternoon as he was retiring from a day in the lab with Flynn and k’Lohv. The haze of dust in the air turned the sinking sun a fiery red, which in turn cast rich shadows across Jamie’s face as he fidgeted awkwardly before the Doctor. The dying day turned Epsilon Nox into a glowing soup of blood reds and deep oranges — juxtaposed against the blue expression on the boy’s face.

The Doctor was feeling down himself. The results of the Jamie’s blood test had been murky at best. They’d found several instances of what looked to be viral capsids, but were unable to completely confirm these discoveries, or even tell if these particles were functioning or not. A sense of urgency had set in halfway through the day and had weighed on his mind since. He was aware of the incredibly short incubation period of the virus, and what it would turn Jamie into if he did indeed have it; it made him sick to his stomach to think about.

And now Jamie’s less-than-happy demeanour was making him even more worried. He waited expectantly while the boy frowned upon how to phrase his concerns. Eventually, gazing out the window they had paused before rather than make eye contact, Jamie spoke haltingly.

“Doctor, I— you’re always tellin’ me t’ let you know when something’s wrong,” he started slowly, then stopped and frowned again. “I’ve been havin’... thoughts,” he tried, and the Doctor’s heart sunk. 

“Oh dear,” he whispered, more to himself than to Jamie. 

He too turned to let his eyes wander the darkening planet. They stood like that for a while, Jamie rocking back and forth on his heels worriedly and the Doctor with his head completely empty. That sense of urgency he’d developed in the lab was screaming through him now, but he was unable to feed it any proper cognitive function. The blood sun pooled and soaked into the horizon. It was replaced by a bright yellow moon of epic proportions, staring down at them with something akin to malignancy. 

Eventually, Jamie blew out his breath in a huff and crossed his arms as if he were cold. “I’m sick, aren’t I, Doctor?” he asked in a surprisingly firm voice. “I’m goin’ to turn into that woman out there.” 

“No,” the Doctor denied instantly. “I wouldn’t let you.”

Even more surprisingly, Jamie turned and aimed a smirk in his direction. “What, you’re goin’ to banish the sickness from me in person?” 

The Doctor felt himself relax slightly at the normality of Jamie’s tone. “I suppose I’ll have to shrink myself down and go head to head with the virus in your bloodstream.” 

Jamie chuckled, then frowned, somewhat alarmed. “You can't really do that, right?”

This made the Doctor laugh properly. He took Jamie’s hand and pet the back of it comfortingly. “Don’t worry yourself, Jamie. We’ve already started to make some significant breakthroughs on the cure, and we’ve not been here a day yet. You’ll be alright, I promise.” 

Jamie looked unsure, but a little less downcast than he had when he’d first pulled the Doctor aside. The Doctor dropped his hand and tried to smile jovially. “Let’s go find Zoe, I’m quite sure she’ll have a lot to tell us about those radios.” 

They walked back to the mess hall silently. Jamie wandered somewhat mindlessly after the Doctor, with the calm disposition of a man taking a leisurely stroll through a forest; contemplating the vastness of the world around him. The Doctor himself was lost in thought as well, trying to predict how Higgs might react to the possibility of Jamie being ill. He had no doubt that Higgs was a good man, despite what Jamie may think about him, but it was his loyalty and fierce protectiveness toward the unlikely group of survivors in the base that worried him. 

He had a sinking feeling that Higgs wouldn’t hesitate to throw Jamie out into the desert should he feel their safety was threatened. 

They neared the hall, and the Doctor all too readily banished those thoughts from his mind, trying to keep his mindset optimistic around the others. Jamie too seemed to perk up a little, grinning happily as Zoe greeted them and urged them to a small group crowded around a table, where the Doctor recognised only Waters and k’Lohv. Small talk was exchanged — information on the state of communications, the various notable interactions people had around the base that day — but the Doctor found himself too distracted to participate.

People floated away as the afternoon dissolved into evening, bidding goodnight and slipping off to their various rooms. The Doctor spotted Higgs across the room after a while and made his move, excusing himself from a passionate conversation about polysynthetic languages. 

Higgs nodded to him as he approached, drawing away from his own conversation. 

“Doctor, I’ve heard about the results from Waters,” he said immediately. “I’m arranging another to be conducted right away to confirm.”

The Doctor sighed, suddenly feeling very old. “I don’t think that’ll be necessary, although you’re welcome to go ahead. Jamie’s just told me he’s been experiencing some of the symptoms.”

Higgs visibly paled, although the Doctor guessed he must have known it was coming. He sat heavily at an empty table and stared at his hands. There was a long period of silence.

Eventually, Higgs looked up. “Doctor,” he said in a quiet, sad voice, “I’m afraid I’m at a loss for what to do.”

The Doctor made to speak, but Higgs held up a hand. “Please, hear me out. I understand you are worried about the wellbeing of your friend, but you must understand that the wellbeing of this base is what that’s being weighted against. Dozens of people who have no less than bravely and valiantly fought their way through to this point could be wiped out by a single person. I would very much like to extend the promise of safety and the possibility of rescue to you too, but Jamie is… very much a liability to those hopes. I’m sure you understand that I am always going to be inclined toward my team.”

The Doctor was aware that Zoe had taken notice of their quiet conversation from across the room. He lowered his voice further. “I do understand, I understand rather well. I admire your loyalty, I do, but Jamie doesn’t  _ have _ to be a liability!” 

He only saw one way to cater to Higgs’ priorities, although he hated the idea of offering Jamie as something of a medical crash test dummy. “Your people, who are working tirelessly on a potential cure for this virus, are running out of blood samples and tests to ensure the safety of their creation! Jamie could aid that, this could be an opportunity to help you and your team.”

Higgs curled his lip, but nodded curtly after a moment of contemplation. He stood stiffly. “I’ll request the blood test go ahead, anyway. You may want to consider changing rooms, Doctor, and investing in one of these.” He touched the chain around his waist.  “If you’re going to be around him, Doctor, you’re going to need it.”

“Well… why, Jamie would never do that sort of thing!” The Doctor exclaimed indignantly.

Higgs’ expression was grim. “Perhaps Jamie wouldn’t, Doctor, but the disease would.” He turned to leave, then stopped and looked back over his shoulder. “I don’t like the idea of having an infected at the base, but I’ll allow it on one condition, Doctor. As soon as he reaches stage three, he must be confined to a single room. Completely isolated. Do you understand?”

“I… I understand,” the Doctor agreed, chest tight.

Higgs left without speaking. The Doctor watched him go, helpless.

“Doctor.” Zoe touched his arm, drawing him from his thoughts. She glanced back at the table, where Jamie was staring with wide-eyed astonishment at a young man’s mechanical arm as he showed it off, laughing. Zoe smiled fondly, although her eyes betrayed worry. “Is everything alright?”

The Doctor sighed. “We believe Jamie’s ill with the same virus that’s plagued the planet.”

“I guessed as much,” Zoe murmured. She turned her head to look at him, desperation now prevalent in her features. “Doctor, the radios will take weeks to repair. We can break out and get to the TARDIS, send for help.”

“And leave the cure here? Zoe, dear, Jamie only has a few days before he—” he hesitated, unable to finish the thought. “We don’t know what the virus does to the human body in the long term. It’s entirely possible that it’ll cause permanent damage if we don’t cure him as soon as we can. The best possible option for us is to remain here and do all we can to protect him.”

Jamie was poking at the fake arm, still enraptured. He glanced over at the two, forehead creasing momentarily. The Doctor took Zoe’s shoulders gently, turning her to face him. “I’ve convinced Higgs to let Jamie stay in the base, but I’m positive he’ll be on the lookout for reasons to throw him out. He wants us to run another blood test. I figured you could help with that while I brief Jamie in our room, and try to get some more information on physical symptoms. It’s important we don’t scare Jamie too much, however — if he gets scared he could make rash decisions that may ultimately lead to Higgs putting his foot down.”

Zoe nodded grimly. “I’m on it, Doctor. I’ll take Waters and Ilwrah, and bring you the results as soon as I can.” She hurried toward away.

Jamie parted from the small group as the last members trickled off to their rooms, visibly excited. “Doctor, Simon o’er here has the strangest arm I’ve seen in my life! He says it’s a pro- prosetic.”

“Prosthetic, Jamie,” the Doctor corrected.

“Oh, aye. I reckon the real thing’s better, don’t know why you’d replace it with that.” He glanced behind them as they left the mess hall. “Say, what were you and Zoe talkin’ about before?”

“It hardly matters, Jamie,” the Doctor smiled reassuringly as they reached their room. 

Jamie’s forehead creased. “You two’re always keepin’ stuff from me, like I won’t understand. You said yourself, before, I’m smart.” He huffed irritatedly and stomped into the room, the door swinging shut behind him with a bang.

“Now, Jamie—” 

The Doctor made to follow him, stopping in his tracks as he stepped through the door to see Jamie swaying slightly on his feet, eyes unfocused and foggy. He didn’t seem to register the Doctor’s presence at all.

“Jamie? Are you alright?” The Doctor asked, concerned. 

Jamie blinked, his face clearing. He pressed his palms against his eyelids. “Aye, just a bit dizzy.”

The Doctor frowned. “Could be a symptom of the disease.” He stepped closer to Jamie, raising his hand. “May I?”

He blinked again. “Oh, aye. Go ahead.”

The Doctor gently pulled up his eyelids, peering curiously at Jamie’s eyes. “They look normal enough to me,” he mused to himself. “We need a light, something to check dilation. I hope you don’t mind me poking around at your face, Jamie. You’re being a perfect patient, I’m happy to say. Ah, what’s this?” 

Jamie’s pupils had blown quite abruptly, his expression regaining the foggy stupor which had overtaken him minutes before. Before the Doctor had time to react to the sudden change, the boy had grasped his wrists with surprising strength and was leaning across to kiss him. His hearts flipped skittishly as Jamie’s lips met his own, soft and affectionate. It was short and one-sided, and as Jamie pulled away the Doctor felt air rush from his lungs. There was a sweet, dopey smile on the Scot’s face. 

“You’re silly, Doctor,” he giggled lethargically, his fingers still tight around the man’s wrists. “Yer eyes’re  _ giant _ , all big an’ round.” And he laughed properly, then kissed him again. The Doctor’s eyes slipped closed before he could stop them. There was nothing salacious about the embrace — Jamie’s lips were gentle against his own, his fingers faintly tracing the Doctor’s wrists. 

“Doctor, can you— oh!” There was an exclamation of surprise as Zoe stopped dead in her tracks, her hand still on the door handle. The sudden interruption broke whatever senselessness had come over Jamie and he jumped back, hands flying up to cover his mouth. His eyes were wide and scared. 

No one spoke. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for not posting twice this week like promised! I was down the coast, and planned to update then, but a fire reignited on the highway we needed to take home (in addition to a couple starting in the general area of our property, damn Aussie fire season) so we were super rushed to pack up and get home in case the roads closed. We're back home and safe now, and all fires around us have been downgraded to the lowest alert level, although we're keeping an eye on one which is currently being controlled but may be devastating if it manages to reach the nature reserves between it and our property.  
> Hopefully the situation won't worsen anymore, and I'll be able to hold true to my word about biweekly updates from here on out! Hope everyone liked the chapter :) bit of a cliffhanger ending...


	4. Episode 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I perhaps made the Doctor a bit too 'lab scientist', eh. Creative liberties aha.

**Ep4**

Eventually Jamie lowered his hands. “ _ Doctor _ ,” he managed, “I’m sorry, I really am.” 

The tension broke. The Doctor waved his hand warily in Jamie’s direction. “It’s alright, Jamie, it’s not your fault.” 

They lapsed back into uncomfortable silence. It was Zoe who broke it next. “Doctor, would you look over this? It’s the latest test results on Jamie’s blood.” 

The Doctor was all too happy to step away from the tension prevalent in the room. Leaving a wide-eyed Jamie still frozen in place, he ducked out of the door with Zoe, his hands starting to shake with the realisation of what had just happened. He forced the panic down.

“They confirm that the virus is present in his blood,” Zoe said as she handed him a few papers. It was painfully obvious that they were avoiding what had just taken place. The Doctor pretended to look them over, too preoccupied to take anything in. His mind kept flashing back to Jamie’s pupils dilating rapidly, deepening his eyes as if he were high out of his mind; Jamie’s eyes, as they dipped closer to him; his wide, wide eyes that the Doctor had seemed to fall right into, those blown pupils the hole into an endless abyss…

He shuffled the papers flush against one another, and handed them back to a worried-looking Zoe. She studied his face for a moment, then, seeming to find what she needed to know in his expression, nodded gently and turned to leave without speaking. The Doctor caught her arm, lowering his voice as a person slipped from their room toward the bathroom down the hall.

“Zoe — we mustn’t go into Jamie’s room alone. Make sure that whoever goes in there is with someone else,” he told her softly. She nodded once again, eyebrows knitting.

“What about you? You have nowhere else to sleep,” she whispered, “and someone needs to make sure he’s alright.” She gestured toward their door. 

“I’ll be alright. He… caught me off guard,” the Doctor chose his words carefully. “I’ll be careful to make sure it won’t happen again.”

Zoe offered him a small smile, taking his hand. “I’m sure it’s going to turn out just fine, Doctor. It always does.”

He patted her hand. “I hope so.”

She hurried back down the corridor.

Jamie was sitting on a bed with his head in his hands. He didn’t react when the Doctor tentatively sat next to him, sinking into the lumpy mattress. They sat like that for a while, Jamie breathing shallowly and the Doctor counting the spiderwebs hanging like lace across the adjacent wall. The yellow moon danced in the skies of Epsilon Nox, illustrious and robbing the stars of their shine. The air seemed to quiver with every breath in.

“Spiders are fascinating,” the Doctor mused. “Come to think of it, almost every planet I’ve been on has had spiders. Think of that… they’ve evolved separately, a thousand times over. It’s rather extraordinary.”

Jamie snorted quietly. “Only you’d find spiders extraordinary. Wee funny man.”

They lapsed back into silence. Jamie sighed and flopped back into the bed, eyes closed. The Doctor was swept up in the thought of those deep, dark pupils blowing underneath his eyelids, of Jamie rising up and meeting his gaze with a never ending abyss. The eyes opened; his pupils were normal. The Doctor released a breath he hadn’t known he was holding. What was happening to him? 

“Are you scared of me, Doctor?” Jamie asked quietly. 

The Doctor started, shocked. “What? Of course not, Jamie! How could I ever be scared of you?”

Jamie smiled softly, meeting his eyes. “I know. Stupid question.”

There was an uncomfortable tension in the room. Pupils exploded into darkness within the Doctor’s mind; he wished it’d stop replaying that moment over and over. He broke eye contact and smiled just a little too widely, pushing himself upwards just a little too enthusiastically. “I should go help in the lab. Try to get some rest.”

Jamie only closed his eyes once more.

It sickened the Doctor when he felt all too happy to be gone from the room. The feeling only worsened as he locked the door behind him — then found himself within some broom cupboard, fastening a chain around his waistband. “Just precautions,” he reassured himself out aloud. “Oh dear, I do hope this is over, soon.”

_ It won’t be over until you finish it _ , his oh so treacherous mind offered.  _ Finish the cure before the virus finishes Jamie. _

He met a bleary-eyed Waters in the lab. Despite the bags under her eyes, she looked excited. “Doctor! We’ve made some real leaps, I think we’re close to a cure! We could have never done this without your insight. You’re a real deus ex machina.” She laughed wearily.

He flicked through her scrawled notes, peering into a microscope set up nearby. “We have to be more than one hundred percent sure that it won’t to any harm in practice. Where’s the others?”

“Ah, practically falling asleep on our clean slides. I told them to get some shut-eye while I wrap up here.” She glanced at the old school clock hanging on the wall. “Geez, is that the time? Wow.”

The Doctor rubbed his hands together. “Well, I’ll take over from you here. Can you walk me through what you’ve done here to combat the predicted hormonal imbalance?”

Around midnight Waters bid farewell, joking that she’d ‘probably do more harm then good in this state’. The Doctor fell into a welcome pattern, the clinical white lighting oddly comforting as he filled his brain with nothing but the cure. Pipettes, microscope slides, blood samples — they all blended together as he added to Waters’ scrawling notes. The others had done a great job in theorising about ways to counteract their current problems, but hadn’t quite gotten around to testing them all. With a bit of tweaking here and there, the Doctor found himself actually starting to see a promising future for their cure.

There was footsteps in the hall, drawing him from his work. A couple of hours had passed already, despite it only feeling like a few minutes. He scribbled some hasty notes, expecting it to be one of the scientists coming to check up — but paused when he realised the footsteps were lopsided and dragged against the linoleum floor. Worry starting to seep into his gut, he tentatively approached the door and poked his head around.

“Jamie? What are you doing here?” the Doctor exclaimed, shocked to see the boy shuffling down the corridor. “I could have sworn I locked that door…”

Jamie stumbled, catching himself against the wall. The Doctor abandoned his shock and hurried forward to catch him as he tipped forward again. The boy buried his head in the Doctor’s neck, shaking violently. The Doctor bit back a yelp as Jamie’s lips unexpectedly latched onto his skin. He grabbed his shoulders and pushed him away, holding him at arm’s length.

His pupils were endless once more, dinner plates that beckoned to the Doctor and threatened to swallow him whole. The Doctor’s hearts raced; he didn’t have the means to deal with this right at the moment. He had no clue how Jamie had managed to leave the room. 

There was commotion at the end of the corridor, and the light flicked on. Joshua Higgs stood stiff-backed and angry before them, a few people gathered around him with wide eyes. He approached them, a vindictive rage badly disguised by an attempted stoic expression.

“Doctor,” he said eventually. “What’s happening here?”

“Nothing at all,” the Doctor replied, trying to keep his voice steady. “Jamie was helping me in the lab, but fell asleep. I was taking him back to our room.”

Higgs looked almost disappointed. “Very well. I trust the cure’s coming along.”

“It’s coming along just fine. Perhaps Waters can explain it to you tomorrow,” the Doctor replied coldly. “Right now, I have a tired young man, and a tired old Doctor who want to return to their room.”

He didn’t miss the glance Higgs threw to his new belt as he marched Jamie past the small group; he didn’t even try to hide his smug triumph. The Doctor was starting to realise why Jamie disliked the man. He felt sure Higgs had something to do with the fact a dazed Jamie had managed to escape from a locked room -- he'd shown up so quickly in the corridor after Jamie had showed up; they hadn't been making any loud noise, so how could he have known? The man seemed determined to find a reason for Jamie to leave the base, even if that meant playing dirty.

He guided Jamie into their room, making sure to close the door; and as a perhaps a little over-the-top extra precaution, pushed a chest of drawers in front of it as a barricade. Satisfied the room was closed off to any seeking unwanted entrance, he turned — horrified to find Jamie sitting on the bed, struggling out of his clothes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good news guys, they've officially changed the status of one of the fires near my place to 'out', and taken it off the map! (It had been burning for two months now!) One less thing to worry about, although more are starting on pretty much a weekly basis now. If you haven't already, and want to see just how much land is currently burning, I recommend you check out the NSW 'fires near me' website. I know this is in the notes of a fanfiction literally about sex monsters, but if anyone is interesting in donating to help affected wildlife (one of my mother's lab group has done some (admittedly rudimentary) tests and estimates something crazy like 100-400+ plant & animal extinctions, although this should be taken with a grain of salt), check out 'WIRES', a charity focusing on animal rescue and rehabilitation after fires have gone through an area. They've actually got the army out there helping recover animals in some cases, it's sweet to see these big army guys syringe-feeding koalas.  
> Anyway that's enough from my big talkative mouth. Hope you liked the chapter :)


	5. Episode 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God I am so, so sorry for leaving you guys on a cliffhanger for so long! Term 1 started the week after I posted the last update, and I'm in my last year of school so things have been super hectic. Now that we're all in quarantine and can't go into school, I have a lot more time for writing, so hopefully I'll be able to finish this up soon! I reckon there's going to be at least seven parts by this point, but probably not a whole lot more.

**Ep 5**

“Noooo, no no no!” The Doctor frantically hurried to Jamie, trying to stop him from shedding his garments. “That’s not what’s happening, we’re not doing anything like that.”

Jamie reached out and grabbed the Doctor’s face with surprising strength. He gazed wistfully at his body, eyes lingering a bit too long just below his waistband. 

“Jamie! Snap out of it!” the Doctor implored him desperately. 

“I need it, Doct’r,” Jamie whispered. His voice — still coated with sleep, his accent heavier than usual — quivered as his hands stroked at the Doctor’s cheeks. “It will surely kill me if I dinnae get it.” He kissed him, then, warm and much more frantic than their previous encounter had been. His half-lidded eyes were clouded with disease driven desire. His mouth found the Doctor’s jaw, then neck. 

“Jamie,” the Doctor tried to say firmly, but his voice failed him. The Scot covered his lips again, desperate hands exploring the Doctor’s shoulders, back, chest, waist.

“ _ Jamie. _ ” This time it was as firm as the Doctor wished. He rest his forehead against Jamie’s, breath fast and heartbeats faster. “Jamie, you must understand that I can’t help you. You’re tired and sick and you’re not in your right mind.”

“Please, Doct’r,” Jamie begged, now shaking with the effort of fighting it. The Doctor could feel the tremble of the young man’s hands as they lay against his midriff. 

“You can’t put me in a position of taking advantage of you in this state.” The Doctor turned his head to avoid another attempted kiss. 

“ _ Mo ghràdh _ , ” Jamie murmured. His voice was low and lovely in Gaelic and the Doctor could feel the situation rapidly begin to slip through his fingers. Jamie’s breath was hot on his cheek. “Oh, I  _ need _ it, Doct’r, I  _ need you _ .” 

With a surge of strength, Jamie flipped him so his back was against the mattress. His lips were warm on the Doctor’s own, body heavy as it pressed against his chest. The Doctor caught himself responding to Jamie’s touch. He willed himself not to react and yet couldn’t help but catch his breath as Jamie’s tongue ran over a sensitive spot behind his ear. His breath ran ragged through his throat, pupils wide beneath eyelids and hands gripping the back of Jamie’s shirt. 

It was only as Jamie wrestled with the lock around the Doctor’s belt that his eyes flew open and he regained some sense. He scrambled back from the boy’s touch. “Jamie,” he breathed between pants, “I told you, we can’t. You’re unwell, Jamie.”

To his surprise, Jamie’s face screwed up and he scrambled away from him, hunching over on the bed, trembling.

“Oh dear, Jamie, don’t cry…” he tried as he pushed himself to sit, breathless and shaking as well. “We, uh, I… please don’t cry…”

“I’m not cryin’, you daft man,” Jamie muttered. “I don’t know what’ll happen if I look at you, Doctor.”

“Oh dear, oh dear,” was all the Doctor could repeat. He desperately wanted to be doing something to help Jamie, to be down in the lab working, to be making progress on the cure, even to just be comforting Jamie — anything but hunching here, tremulous on the bed, unable to go near his friend without triggering the virus’ symptoms. He ran his hands across his knees, conscious of how sweaty they seemed to be all of a sudden. 

“Jamie, listen to me,” the Doctor managed. “Higgs is looking for a way to throw you out. I’m sure that he was the one who unlocked the door and let you out, before. I need to get back to the lab, but I don’t want to leave you alone.”

Jamie hummed a response, his face still turned away. 

“Do you think you’ll be able to come down to the lab with me?” The Doctor pushed himself up, all too happily distracting himself from thinking about what had just happened between them by formulating a mental plan. “I’m very close to finishing the cure. We need to act fast — the onset of stage three is evidently faster than we were expecting, despite being warned of it. Higgs is probably already planning his next attempt at tripping you up.”

There was a moment of silence before Jamie responded. His shoulders shook for a moment, as if he was fighting the urge of the virus, before stilling once more. “I… I think I’ll be fine for now, Doctor.”

“We’ll need to get Zoe. I want all of us to stick together from now on,” he went on. “I think I know where her room is. Are you ready?”

Jamie stood shakily, face still turned away from the Doctor. After a moment’s hesitation he shook his head and sat back down again. “It’s your smell, Doctor, it’s… it’s intoxicating,” he choked out, shoulders shaking once more. 

The Doctor backed away from him, hurriedly looking around the room for something he could use to help ease Jamie’s misery. He pounced on a pillow that had been knocked to the ground during the little…  _ incident _ not ten minutes ago, ripping off the pillowcase and offering it at arm’s length to his companion. Jamie took it gratefully, balling it up and pressing it against his nose and mouth. 

“That’s a little better,” he sighed, relaxing slightly. “It’s good enough for now.”

The Doctor took a deep breath and pushed the chest of drawers far enough that he could open the door. “Alright, Jamie, we’re going to have to be quick. I don’t want Higgs knowing that we’re not in our room. Ready?”

Jamie nodded, his eyes wide and breathing heavy through the fabric of the pillowcase. The Doctor almost went to take his hand, before realising it’d probably do more bad than good. He rested his fingers against the door handle instead, gently swinging the door open. The corridor was dark and still; they stood for a few moments in the doorway, listening for any movement. None came. 

The Doctor slipped out into the corridor, Jamie on his heels. They crept against the carpet, toward Zoe’s room. The Doctor’s ears were pricked, keenly scanning for any motion near them in the base. Jamie stumbled slightly behind him, and he hesitated. The boy righted himself and nodded slightly to let the Doctor know he was fine.

Zoe’s room was only a few steps down the corridor, but it was a tense few steps. The Doctor rapped on her door gently, praying that she would hear. 

The silence wrapped around them as they waited with bated breath before Zoe’s room. The night’s hands clasped at the Doctor’s chest with tight fingers. His hearts hammered in his chest; the sound thundered in his ears. Jamie’s wide eyes swallowed him again and again in his mind, this time serenaded by those whispered words — ‘ _ Mo ghràdh _ ’. He wanted them out of his head, but he couldn’t banish their abyssal depths from his mind.

After what seemed like an eternity, the door swung open and Zoe peered out, eyes bleary. They widened when they took in the Doctor’s worried expression, and Jamie hovering behind him with a pillowcase pressed against his face. She opened the door wider and ushered them in, her own expression questioning.

Once the Doctor was sure the door was closed, he let go of a breath he hadn’t known he was holding. “I’m sure this seems bizarre and impromptu,” he tried to explain, “but we need to get to the lab. Higgs is trying to sabotage Jamie’s chance at staying out of trouble. He wants to kick us out of the base, but doesn’t have a reason at the moment.”

Zoe crossed her arms, scanning the Doctor’s face. She glanced over to Jamie, who had quietly tucked himself into the corner farthest away from the two. 

“Okay,” she said eventually. “How close are you to finding the cure?”

“Almost done. I haven’t been able to test it yet, but I doubt there’d be any negative effects if we administered it now.”

“And positive ones?”

“That remains to be seen,” the Doctor sighed. “I hope so.”

Zoe cast another look at Jamie. He’d lowered himself to the ground, now, his head between his knees and his hand trembling as it crushed the pillowcase against his face. The Doctor guessed that having two others in such a closed-off space was just about torture for him. He admired Jamie for fighting the urge this well. Zoe turned back, her eyes determined.

“Well, what are we waiting for?” she asked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooh, things are getting tense... will they be able to find a cure before Higgs finds a reason to kick them out?
> 
> Although I can't promise exactly when the next update will be, I can say that there won't be another ten week wait, aha. Sorry once again for the cliffhanger ending! I promise I haven't given up on this fic!!


	6. Episode 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god my computer is literally on 0% how is it even running

**EP6**

The lab was bathed in darkness. The night seemed to ebb through the Doctor’s veins, playing sad and silent songs in the distance. The quietude stretched like velvet around them, engulfing them in its soft embrace; a strange pressure hung over the trio and warned them away from talking, lest the tranquility break and let in the bad thoughts they’d tried so desperately to barr from their minds. The Doctor almost flinched when the light flicked on with a subtle electronic  _ buzz _ .

His work was just where he’d left it. The Doctor peeled away from his companion’s sides and slid right back into the seat he’d abandoned less than an hour ago, scanning the bench to remind himself of where he’d left off. Zoe hung about Jamie for a few moments, worry tracing her features, before he mentioned to her in a rough voice that he didn’t want to be rude, but he’d much prefer if she’d stay a bit further away from him. She hurried over to the Doctor and quietly asked him if she could be of any use.

In a low voice, the Doctor brought Zoe up to speed with the progress made on the cure. He wasn’t entirely sure why he’d lowered his voice — perhaps it was to avoid upsetting Jamie, although the boy hadn’t expressed any discomfort at the sound of the Doctor’s voice. Maybe it was just because he thought he ought to be speaking in a low voice; because this sort of situation felt like one where you should probably speak in a low voice. 

Jamie tucked himself back into a corner, his breathing raggard behind the pillowcase. For the most part, he kept his eyes squeezed tightly shut, head resting against the wall and face turned to the ceiling. When the Doctor caught glimpses of his companion’s eyes, he was disturbed to see Jamie’s pupils blown and endless, dilated windows into a vast void of unwanted desire. Sometimes he found himself scared that he’d fall into them again, that he’d find himself tumbling through his poor friend’s abyssal gaze — but then he’d remember that Zoe was right there, next to him, and that he wasn’t the one being robbed of his self-control.

Work certainly moved faster, with Zoe at his side. The girl was smart, perhaps even smarter than him. She claimed she had little to no knowledge of the medical sciences, but her extensive wisdom in the field of mathematics helped him greatly. As night marched toward day, and the sun broke the horizon (sending light scattering like a flock of birds into the room), the Doctor allowed his spirits to be lifted by the prospect of having a cure ready before Jamie’s descent into Stage Three.

He was the first to break the silence, sometime after the sun had oozed like egg yolk across the dusty plains of Epsilon Nox. 

“I think we might even have time to test it on a blood sample,” he smiled, looking up at Zoe. His smile fell when he took in her frown; her head was tilted toward the door. 

“Doctor, do you hear that?” she asked, eyes wide. He strained his ears, gravitating toward the door. Sure enough, the soft yet rhythmic thump of approaching footsteps resounded throughout the corridors. His own eyes widened — he rushed to the door and locked it, gesturing at Zoe to help him haul a filing cabinet across the doorway.

Jamie had fallen into the stillness of sleep a little while ago, much to the Doctor’s relief. He stirred, now, as the footsteps approached and stopped outside the door. The handle rattled.

“Doctor, I know you’re in there,” Higgs announced, voice muffled through the door. “And I know the boy is in there too. If he hasn’t reached Stage Three by now, he will soon. You’re in danger, just by sharing the lab with him.”

The Doctor’s hearts thumped in his chest. He turned to Zoe, trying not to let his panic show. “We might not have time for a test,” he whispered, “prepare a syringe.”

“We haven’t worked out the dosage, yet,” she whispered back, eyes wide with worry. The Doctor flinched as Higgs pounded on the door. 

“Do what you think is safest.” 

“Doctor, I’m warning you — hand over the boy, or I’ll be forced to throw all of you out, cure or none,” Higgs announced on the other side of the door. “I don’t want to hurt you, I really don’t. But the boy is dangerous.”

The Doctor approached Jamie, Zoe close behind with the syringe. He took a deep breath and knelt next to the Scot, shaking his shoulder gently. 

“Jamie, you’ve got to wake up,” he pleaded, “it’s urgent.”

Slowly, Jamie was roused from sleep. He yawned a little, then opened his eyes. His pupils were deep, dark pools. He looked at the Doctor with a voracious hunger in his dark eyes, his lips half parted and his hair tousled. Fear struck the Doctor’s chest as he realised that Jamie had been swamped by the virus. He didn’t have time to react as Jamie leapt at him with almost superhuman speed, images of the woman who had started all of this surfacing in the Doctor’s mind.

Jamie wrapped surprisingly trong arms around the Doctor, teeth sinking into the flesh of his neck as he hungrily ripped at his clothing. The Doctor bit his lip to stop himself from crying out, conscious of the sounds of Higgs and his cohort trying to break down the door on the other side of the room. Zoe’s expression sang of fear.

“Quick, Zoe,” the Doctor hissed, and the girl sprang into action. She grabbed Jamie’s arm and plunged the syringe into his shoulder, ejecting its contents into the muscle. There was a sickening moment where the Doctor thought Jamie had overpowered him, where he fell backwards and closed his eyes and believed that their exciting little capers through time and space were over…

But then Jamie slowed, and went limp in the Doctor’s arms, his head lolling against the Doctor’s shoulder. He took a shaky breath, possibilities racing through his mind — had he killed Jamie? Had he cured him? Why wasn’t the boy moving? Was he breathing? The Doctor was too addled to direct his worries into any sort of action.

There was a crunch as the door gave way, and expedition members fell over the filing cabinet into the room. Higgs, his face scared and angry, brandished a broom like a sword. They fell silent as they took in the scene before them; Jamie, limp in the Doctor’s arms, Zoe standing close by with an empty syringe clasped in a tight fist.

The whole galaxy seemed to hold its breath.

Jamie stirred against him, eyes fluttering open. His movements were slow and lethargic, but the Doctor could have cried when he saw normal-sized pupils beneath his heavy eyelids.

“I feel a wee bit ill,” he grumbled, “what happened? Are we in the lab?”

The Doctor could only gather him into a shaking hug and laugh in relief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, an update that isn’t 10 weeks after the last! The next part will probably be the last....
> 
> It’s been a ride, aha. I’m thinking of channeling my fanfiction writing abilities into a potential original work, which i might post on Wattpad (I’m most familiar with that site).


	7. Episode 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhhh it's the last part! I don't think I've ever actually finished a project of this size before, so I'm super happy that I managed to hang onto this one until the end. I hope this final part is a satisfying end to the ordeal :) Enjoy!

**EP7**

Higgs and a small group saw them off at the doors to the base. With the formula for the cure, and their radios patched up with help from Zoe, the expedition had been able to contact a proper rescue team, and the Doctor was confident that he’d helped them as best as he could. Despite all their breakthroughs, the Doctor couldn’t help but notice the nervous way that Higgs’ eyes darted over the landscape, continuously scanning for threats. He had to remind himself that the men and women before him had been through a whole lot more than he had; the Doctor and his companions had only scratched the proverbial surface of the whole ordeal, so to speak.

Higgs pulled him aside before they set off into the desert. 

“Doctor,” he began, looking the slightest bit embarrassed, “I just want to apologise for how I acted, over the past few days. It’s been rough, for us, and I was scared that if anything bad happened to the group, the blame would fall to me.”

The Doctor patted his shoulder. 

“Don’t worry about that. Anyone would have done the same in that position. I dare say you did a better job of protecting your crew than I did of mine.” He laughed, but he could feel guilt burning in his gut. Higgs shrugged sheepishly.

“All the same, I’m sorry I made it hard for you.” Higgs glanced toward Jamie, who was ogling the prosthetic arm of one of the expedition members for the final time. “Take care of him, Doctor. He looks up to you. It’s clear you two care about each other.”

He moved away, retreating back into the base. The Doctor was left standing in the dirt, watching Jamie laugh with the group around him. He looked happy, almost larger than life. It was a juxtaposition against the tired and virus-ridden man he’d raced to save only a few days ago. Still, there was no use getting hung up on the past. The ordeal was over, and they now would get in their blue box and move on to the next one — just like they always did.

The Doctor was glad to see the TARDIS again, and even gladder to say goodbye to the golden deserts and tenacious dust of Epsilon Nox. It felt good to busy himself with whatever trivial fiddlings and tinkerings that could occupy his mind. Losing himself in the mundane was far easier than addressing what had happened on Epsilon Nox, anyhow. He’d never been one to procrastinate, yet he found himself putting off approaching Jamie about what had occurred between them. 

He reasoned with himself, about it; talking to your 17th century male companion about that time he made out with you isn’t exactly a conventional topic to tackle — nor an easy one, for that matter. Still, he couldn’t wiggle away from it for too long… he soon found himself confronted by the situation when Jamie approached him a short while later.

“Doctor, I… are you sure I’m cured?”

“I am quite certain of it, Jamie, you seem much yourself again.” The Doctor frowned. “What’s the matter, are you alright?”

“Oh aye, just dandy, Doctor, it’s just… well, the thoughts haven’t gone away, yet.” Jamie’s eyes widened at the Doctor’s panicked expression. “Dinnae worry yourself o’er it, it’s nothing as… as intense as before, just…”

“It’s imperative you tell me what they are, Jamie, if the cure hasn’t worked you might relapse…” 

Jamie’s cheeks flushed. “Well, you see… it’s, ah… actually, Doctor, I still….” He mumbled something that might have been in Gaelic. The Doctor sighed.

“You’re going to have to speak up, Jamie, I can’t hear you.”

“I said, I still think about kissing you!” Jamie turned away, embarrassed. “Nothing else, I promise. I just… I cannae get the memories out of my head and they’re… they’re killing me, Doctor. It’s all I can think about. I must be sick, still, I must be!” He flung himself quite dramatically to a sit, shoulders heaving as he scrubbed at his pink-flushed face. 

The Doctor’s shoulders slumped. “Oh, Jamie, you’re not sick.” 

Jamie threw down his hands exasperatedly. “Well, it cannae be much else, can it?!” he burst out, voice heavy. At the Doctor’s frown, he sighed. “You’re a  _ man _ , Doctor. It’s… I’ve never heard of a man thinking about another man before!”

The Doctor tentatively sat beside the trembling boy, his own hands clasped awkwardly in his lap. He contemplated putting a hand on Jamie’s leg, but decided it wouldn’t do much to comfort him in this situation. 

“Jamie,” he started, not quite knowing what he wanted to say. “You’re so bright and quick learning, sometimes I forget just  _ when _ you’re from. You see, Earth is a wholly unique planet in the fact that it’s so awash with all your brilliant human minds and cultures. Your human mentalities are what structures your societies... which unfortunately means they’re prone to ignorance.”

“I… I dinnae follow,” Jamie stammered, staring at his hands. 

“You’re from a time in Earth’s history where homosexuality — that’s what it’s called, when two men or two women are involved — where homosexuality wasn’t really understood.” The Doctor shrugged, rubbing his hands against his knees awkwardly. “People dislike what they’re unsure about. Earth is quite unique in the uneasiness surrounding same-sex relationships, you know.”

Jamie glanced up at him. The Doctor gave him a small smile, his own cheeks flushed. “All I’m trying to say, Jamie, is that it’s never wrong to have thoughts about other men. There’s only the  _ perception _ of wrongdoing. You’ll find that Zoe and I will both have no predispositions to homophobia.” 

With this, he mustered up the courage to softly place a tentative hand on the small of Jamie’s back. The boy didn’t shy away from the touch, but his expression remained dejected. “Thank you,” he said finally, with a half-hearted smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

The Doctor sighed, rubbing Jamie’s back. “Something’s still wrong.”

Jamie toyed with the hem of his kilt, eyes nervous. “All that stuff about… about  _ it  _ not being wrong—” He stressed ‘it’, flushing a little as he did, “—well it  _ does _ make me feel better, dinnae get me wrong, but… if it’s not the sickness, it’s my own mind. And, and now you know about it, and there’s no way you’d ever think  _ that  _ about me too.” 

“Ah.” The Doctor’s hand stilled on Jamie’s back, his mind blanking on an answer. He saw Jamie kissing him with the fervour of the disease, felt the boy’s hands curling in his shirt.  _ Did _ he think ‘that’ about Jamie? He’d never really considered it before, but it was true that he kept unconsciously revisiting those heated moments in his head. He’d find himself spacing out as he replayed every touch in his mind, indulging himself in it behind closed eyelids. He could still feel Jamie’s hands stroking his midriff, lips on his throat… those blown pupils that he fell into every night and became stuck in, that endless void that swallowed him whole when he closed his eyes...

The Doctor realised with a start that his hand had fisted in Jamie’s shirt. He let it drop, face heating.

Jamie was staring at him curiously. “So I didn’t imagine it, then,” he said incredulously. “It wasn’t just my mind making it up. You… you enjoyed it, didn’t you?”

The Doctor was at a loss for words. He couldn’t look at the boy next to him, face submerged in the heat of burning shame. He stared at his hands clasped nervously in his lap and didn’t speak. 

Jamie’s warm fingers slid delicately over the tight ball his hands had formed, thumb stroking his knuckles rhythmically. The Doctor relaxed a little, tentatively raising one hand to sit over Jamie’s. They sat like that for a long while — Jamie leaning against the Doctor’s shoulders, his thumb passing over his knuckles every few seconds — until all sense of time had escaped the Doctor, and he swam in a surreal world where his own companion stroked his hands like they were a couple. 

“I hate to break the moment,” the Doctor breathed eventually, his eyes still fixed on their clasped hands, “but I’ve been meaning to ask. When you were, uh, in the throes of the virus you said something to me in Gaelic.”

“Did I?” Jamie asked, sounding genuinely surprised. “I dinnae remember much from when it got bad.”

“Forgive me for my pronunciation, but it was something like ‘mur grai?’”

Jamie’s cheeks reddened. “ _ Mo ghràdh _ ?” he asked. “Oh no, did I say that?”

“From your expression, I presume it’s something horrific,” the Doctor chuckled.

“Not really,” Jamie shrugged. “It means, uh… well, it means ‘my love’.”

The Doctor laughed properly. “I guess the virus was trying to tell you something,” he said, then froze. Jamie was new to the idea of same-sex relationships — it was all fine and good to sit with him like this, now, but the Doctor was well aware of how delicate this situation was. He didn’t want to rush Jamie into anything, or scare him away. He’d happily give the prospect of a relationship up a thousand times over if it meant Jamie would stay as his companion. It seemed like a trivial statement, when he replayed it in his mind, but he wondered if it was too strong of a proclamation at this stage.

Jamie snorted, not seeming to realise the Doctor’s sudden stab of fear. He gazed down at their hands, thumb still drawing circles over the Doctor’s knuckles. The Doctor felt himself relaxing.

“Aye, I guess it was,” Jamie smiled, and nothing in the world could have sounded better to the Doctor than those few murmured words.

**FIN**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaand... roll credits!  
>  I just want to say a huge thanks to everyone who's been following this work, and commenting! All of your comments make my day :) I try my best to respond to all of them, but sometimes some slip through.  
> And another thanks to everyone for sticking around till the end. I know there's been some hiccups surrounding my updating schedule due to school & such, aha (honestly I'm surprised I even finished this at all). The prose in this one was a little more plain than some of my other works, but I think that helped me to write chapters, even when I was feeling uninspired. It's been a journey!
> 
> Once again, thanks to everyone for reading, commenting, and leaving kudos! I hope you enjoyed the work :))

**Author's Note:**

> This work has been a long time coming, damn. I started writing it like half a year ago, but being terrible at commitment saw me start at least seven hundred new works before revisiting this one. As of posting this I haven't quite finished the last few chapters, but I know how it'll end and am hoping posting it will give me incentive to finish it properly. Updates will probably be bi-weekly, so make sure to bookmark or subscribe to the work if you're enjoying it! Thanks!


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